Breath of Heaven
by Precious Pup
Summary: Written for the NFA Snow Challenge. Ziva is standing in the snow listening to a Christmas Carol and reflecting on how the song echos her own fears.


Ziva stood alone in the cold and shivered pulling her big coat closer around her. She felt an ache in her throat and her eyes filled with warm tears as it started to softly snow. The blended voices of the large Christmas Choir soared up and around her haunting her as she stood in the chill dark evening and openly wept.

There was such sadness in their song. Being Jewish and growing up in Israel she hadn't spent time listening to carols. She had been busy growing up too quickly. Learning how to fight. Learning how to stay alive.

Now in America with its bright plastic Christmas trees and flashing colored lights the seasonal noisy Rudolf the Red Nose Reindeer songs had seemed ridiculous and even downright strange.

But as she stood alone in the gently falling snow listening to the achingly beautiful sacred song she felt a connection to the music for the first time.

Ziva protectively ran her hand over her heavily pregnant belly feeling the warmth and fullness of the child she carried inside. Soon she would be a mother.

_I have traveled_

_Many moonless nights_

_Cold and weary_

_With a babe inside_

_And I wonder what I've done…_

Mary. The mother of Jesus. In that moment Ziva could understand her uncertainty and her fear because it was hers too. What had she done? Had she made the right decision? It was too late to go back now. She considered herself brave and she had faced many terrible things but suddenly she found herself almost terrified. What if something went wrong? She had no mother of her own to stand beside her and tell her it would be alright, to hear her screams and tell her that the pain would leave her and that she would be alright. She felt inadequate and small in the face of the task she had taken on.

As she listened to the song of a story thousands of years old the tears dripped unchecked down her cheeks. A woman's experience from the past reaching out across the cold starry night to reach another in the present.

_I am waiting_

_In a silent prayer_

_I am frightened_

_By the load I bear_

_In a world as cold as stone_

_Must I walk this path alone?_

Would she make a good mother? She wanted to be a good mother but there were so many uncertainties. The world was a dangerous place and she didn't know if she could protect her child from all that it would face. But she wanted a strong child too. Someone who could eventually stand on their own two feet and face the world with pride and strength. How was she supposed to achieve such a thing?

_Do you wonder as you watch my face_

_If a wiser one should have had my place?_

Ziva looked up across the distant crowd at her husband who smiled with eyes that made her heart ache. She would not be alone.

She knew he thought her fears silly but only because his faith in her was absolute. She wished that she had his conviction and she always felt stronger when his hand was in hers. In so many things she was the teacher but falling pregnant had humbled her and now he was teaching her how to live with a heart that beat for another every day.

_But I offer all I am….._

Ziva offered up a prayer to her unborn child as the song swirled through the softly falling snowflakes alighting on her hair and her eyelashes making her blink. She might have her doubts but she would give her child and their fledgling family everything she had. She wanted to be able to give her child all that she hadn't received herself. Her child would not weep itself to sleep at night. Instead there would be warm strong arms to soothe away its nightmares.

_Help me be strong_

_Breathe of heaven hold me together_

_Be forever near me._

Watching his warm eyes linger on her as he came towards her Ziva knew she would not be alone. Not through the long painful labor of childbirth nor through the sleepless nights or the anguish of her own self doubt. Even if she faltered he would be strong and he would hold her together

He would be there for her. For them.

*******************************************************************

Timothy McGee collected the two large mugs of steaming hot chocolate with marshmallows and made his way gingerly back to Ziva through the noisy crowd of playful children and laughing adults. He smiled as he saw her standing slightly apart from the rest of the audience lost in the music.

She was so beautiful he couldn't believe she was his. Only a week from giving birth her huge belly and the many layers of scarves and jackets he had insisted she wear tonight made her appear (as Tony put it) about the size of a house.

With the fluffy ear flaps down on her ugly hat and her glorious dark hair loose around her shoulders full of melting white snow flakes he wanted to take a photo of her and stuff it away where she couldn't destroy it. His own personal Christmas Angel.

Tim smiled and wished she could understand how beautiful he found her like this. He knew she was frustrated and uncomfortable. Her always fluid movement was limited by her size and she was frustrated with how tired and slow she felt. She wasn't able to take her daily runs and she had begun to hate staying around the house. That was why he suggested they attend the local carol service that evening. He had told her it would be a good way to meet their neighbors now they had settled into their home but really it had been to watch her eyes light up at simply going out.

He walked over to her wanting nothing more than to pull her into his arms and hold her. He loved her so much it hurt. And soon they would be a family.

"Hey? Ziva? Have you been crying?"

Ziva, the spell broken looked up to see Tim juggling the hot drinks a worried look on his face.

Ziva smiled knowing she was worrying him and awkwardly tried to wipe the tears from her face with her gloved hands.

"I am fine Tim. It was just the carols. They are so beautiful. You were right about coming out to hear them."

Tim rested the drinks on a chair and pulled Ziva into his arms and she buried her face into his shoulder and breathed in his warmth and his scent of aftershave and cotton and clean soap.

"I love you Tim" Ziva whispered as she settled her arms more firmly around his waist.

"And I love you too Ziva. " Tim whispered it into her ear as he rubbed soothing circles into the small of her back which always ached.

"Umm Ziva?"

"Yes Tim?"

"They are going to sing Silent Night next. Is that going to make you cry? Should we go home now?"

Ziva simply laughed at the worry she heard in his voice and the little adorable frown that creased his features. She reached up and kissed Tim's cold nose.

"No I am fine. I promise I will not cry anymore. Not with you here with me."

_(The song is called Breath of Heaven and I was singing it in choir and thinking how sad it was when I thought of this for the NFA Snow challenge.)_


End file.
